Dancing With The Stars: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Last night kicked off Season 11 of Dancing With The Stars and what will be, in my eyes, the most watched season of the show. The cast is chock-full of stars. Well, technically it’s full of people who have been in the media limelight as well as some that are relative unknowns. A full two-hour show was used to showcase each one of the cast members’ rhythmic talents for the first time. The unveiling was surprising for some members (Rick Fox) and expected for others (Jennifer Grey). In case you missed it, here’s a list of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Good

Audrina Patridge: Surprisingly a show-stopper! She already has that DWTS body that usually comes after a full season of meringues and salsas.
Rick Fox: Height’s no problem for this NBA babe. He was elegant and graceful and is sure to go far in this season due to Carrie Ann’s crush on him.
Kyle Massey: As a former avid Disney Channel watcher, I knew exactly who this vivacious teen was. His jaw-dropping performance should be the first of many.
Brandy: As her brother, Ray-J, cheered her on, she performed as many expected her to…with ease.
Jennifer Grey: After an emotional practice session that triggered memories of the late Patrick Swayze, she was ready to flaunt her skills from the Dirty Dancing days.

The Bad

Bristol Palin: Performing to “Momma Told Me Not To Come” was the beginning of her downfall. The extent of her talent was shaking her booty which couldn’t help me think about it contributing to her teen pregnancy.
Florence Henderson: Her performance was only so-so, but her body is not a day over 40. She is 76 years old and livelier than some of the other performers.
Kurt Warner: This ex-NFL Superbowl MVP has a 1,000 mega-watt smile but lacks the elegance and grace of a dancer. Perhaps a few more practice sessions?

The Ugly

Margaret Cho: You are a comedian. Not a dancer. Do not try to mix the two in an attempt to gain support.
Michael Bolton: I love Michael Bolton, I really do. First cassette tape I ever owned. He can’t dance. Just stick to singing and I will continue with my undying affection for you.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino: His name in the credits is actually “The Situation”? Wow. He only had about five days to rehearse and I wouldn’t have said his routine was that awful, but he needs to improve a lot to stick around for future episodes.

You may have noticed that I didn’t talk about The Hoff. David Hasselhoff cannot be categorized as any of the above. His performance was indescribable. But I’ll try. He ripped off his clothes, made crazy faces, and got the crowd going. He’s not half-bad, but he hasn’t quite teetered over to the good side. I’ll be sure to keep watching for more of his grunting outbursts during practice sessions.

Notable stars in the audience included Jamie Lee Curtis (there to support Jennifer Grey), The Situation’s sister who has appeared on a few Jersey Shore episodes, Eliza Dushku (Rick Fox’s girlfriend, 20 years his junior), and Ray-J. Not in attendance was Sarah Palin. Don’t worry- she’ll be there next week!

Episode Grade: B+